


I'm Unclean, A Libertine

by ChickenWrangler



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Crisco as lube (yes that's safe and was common at the time), Crossdressing, Excessive Drinking, F/M, Hiding Medical Issues, Loss of Parent(s), Lots of sex with strangers, M/M, Medical Conditions, Multi, Oneshot, Podfic Welcome, Polyamory, Prisoner of War, Recreational Drug Use, Threesome - F/M/M, War, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26328514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenWrangler/pseuds/ChickenWrangler
Summary: | Au where hydra doesn't exist, Steve doesn't receive the serum, & he almost dies from stomach ulcers that result in his medical discharge from the military |
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, World War Threesome - Relationship
Kudos: 3





	I'm Unclean, A Libertine

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta Cecil (@ mcusekat on twitter)!!  
> Translations & Podfics are welcome so long as you credit me as the writer.  
> Fair warning: this fic probably has some historical inaccuracies.  
> (The title is a reference to Without You I'm Nothing by Placebo)

Bucky Barnes was the first to find him writhing on the ground & vomiting blood. Training exercises ended half an hour ago & Steve took off as soon as he could so no one would notice his symptoms, but Buck’s seen it all before. After all, he did spend most of his childhood sat by his side during countless hospital visits.

He can tell Steve’s been in pain for days because it only gets this bad when he ignores it. Buck carries his frail body to the medic tent knowing full well it’ll result in his best friend's dismissal.

 _Good_ , he thinks. Steve’s sickness is a pain he can deal with, a pain he knows all too well -- but this war would’ve killed him & that’s something Bucky could never live with.

Steve Rogers is 22 now, just starting his first year at the Pratt Institute, & looking for a fresh start. Intense stomach problems nearly killed him, but Steve's always been a fighter. His body has been at war against him his entire life, yet he fooled himself into thinking that would change with the military. Like maybe having a purpose in this world would fix everything that’s wrong with him. That’s just not how it works.

Bucky convinced him to enroll in school,

“It’ll be good for you,”

he said, but when has life ever treated him well?

As soon as Steve decides on a major, he writes to Buck & excitedly describes his art classes.

“I’m gonna be a painter,”

he says with a confidence he never knew before.

Is this his true calling?

Steve, Bucky, & Peggy exchange letters as often as possible. Steve thinks they’re closer than ever, distance couldn’t possibly put a strain on their relationship, but unbeknownst to him, Peg & Buck are keeping secrets.

Almost a year passes before Buck & Peg are able to visit; they say they have an important conference which requires their presence in New York, but, truthfully, Peg pulled some strings to visit Steve after his mom died from a stroke.

The funeral takes place outdoors on a sunny day, only six people are in attendance: two neighbors, Mrs. Rogers’ former boss, & Buck & Peg standing by Steve’s side. He loves his mom, but the service leaves him feeling numb.

It’s 5 am the next day when Steve walks outside for a smoke & is surprised to find Buck & Peggy kissing by the backdoor. He doesn’t know what to say to them, but he needs that cigarette more than ever.

There’s an unspoken tension between them during the rest of the visit, they drift further apart. When Peg & Buck pack their bags & say their goodbyes, Steve has a bit of a mental breakdown.

Rather than confront his feelings of heartbreak & deceit, Steve dyes his hair brown & explores different avenues of self-expression which include: drinking, getting high, & fucking around with strangers every night.

His first time having sex is with a man twice his age and, although they’re both off their heads on coke, Steve knows there’s a wedding ring hidden in the guy’s pocket somewhere. He just can’t find it in him to care. Hell, he’s not even really attracted to the man, but they’re both just trying to get off anyway.

Bucky & Peggy continue to send him letters, but Steve rarely reads or replies to them anymore. He’d rather get fucked up than think about them. He’d rather risk his life getting nailed in dark alleys, in bathrooms, in parks, & curl up with a bottle of Whiskey.

His art starts to take off in 1943, teachers help him sell paintings, get work, make connections. He might be a nihilist, but he knows a good opportunity when he sees it. Steve is edgier now-- mysterious they say-- but it only makes him more attractive in other people’s eyes. Despite the walls he’s built around himself, Steve Rogers still radiates the kind of warmth that people gravitate toward.

It’s 1944 when he graduates, moves to a nicer area, & completely cuts contact with **them**. The people he can never forget, but refuses to think about. Their mail is redirected to his new place, but it doesn’t matter. He never opens them anymore.

He stops fucking around with his life & lets himself be happy again. Or as happy as he can get. Stops dying his hair, stops pretending to be this person that’s cold & indifferent, & just focuses on being better. Finding himself again. Making art that’s more authentic & less about getting a reaction.

Steve starts drawing strangers at the park &, on one occasion, strikes up a conversation with a nice girl named Carol. Their first kiss is sweet & brief, but he’ll never forget the way her eyes shone in the moonlight. Carol enjoys picnics in the park, has a cat named Silver, & loves being drawn nude.

They briefly date & end things on good terms. She’s a sweetheart, but neither of them are really looking for anything serious. At least not with each other. Soon after they split, Carol decides to pack her bags & stay with family in France. She sends Steve one final postcard which simply says “Farewell”.

Steve earns some cash working part-time, designing posters for dance halls & local businesses. It’s not what he really wants to do with his time, but it keeps the lights on, gets him fed, & lets people know that he’s a professional.

He takes a break from dating & instead spends his time volunteering at a local children’s hospital. He meets kids that don’t have many options, but he helps them out in any way he can. Many are just grateful for the companionship. Steve knows just how exhausting pity can be, so he always tries to make them smile.

In 1945, Steve visits his ma's tombstone & tells her about how he likes ladies AND fellas. He’s not a religious man, but he thinks maybe somehow she heard him & that she loves him just the same. For whatever reason, it feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

His paintings start selling in bigger & bigger galleries & he starts letting himself think about Bucky & Peggy again. He thinks maybe he should write to them, but then realizes that he doesn't know how to make contact again or how to fix things or hell... they might just be fucking dead.

There’s rumors about the war ending soon, but they've been saying that for years now. He doesn’t have much hope, but... Peg’s the strongest dame he knows, hell the strongest person he knows, & he’ll be damned if Buck won’t come back to him with open arms & a piece of his mind.

The war ends on May 8th & the world lets out a deep breath. Troops start getting sent back home & Steve desperately hopes his friends are among them. He spends as much time as possible hanging around his old apartment, hoping they'll show up there, but as weeks turn to months Steve's visits become more sporadic.

One day in June, Steve puts on his favorite black hoodie & perches on his usual park bench to sketch strangers. He notices someone particularly striking on his right, a man with shoulder length brown hair sitting next to a large tree with his back turned to him.

He starts shading the guy’s slightly faded leather jacket when a voice behind him says,

"He does look good in that jacket."

Steve immediately starts apologizing until he looks up & realizes that Peggy Carter is standing right in front of him.

They both look at each other in shock, then drop what they’re holding (Steve's notebook, Peggy's ice cream cones) & move in for a hug. After exchanging I missed yous & I'm sorrys, a voice approaching from their right chokes out a gruff,

"Steve?"

Steve couldn't bring himself to speak, & maintains eye contact with Bucky for what feels like forever. They slowly move toward one another & share a similarly tender embrace. Steve starts crying & repeating that he missed them & that he tried to find them again & Bucky just holds onto him as his eyes well up.

Eventually Bucky says,

"I thought about you everyday."

Steve goes silent & finally admits,

"Me too."

Steve invites them back to his place & they talk about how it's their first day back in New York & that Bucky wanted to go for ice cream in the park because that's what he used to do with Steve when they were kids. They ask Steve what he's been up to & he shows them some of the paintings he's been working on in his backroom.

While Steve is preparing drinks in the kitchen, Peggy & Bucky continue looking through his stacks of canvases & eventually find a variety of nudes he painted of past partners. Men & women posing on beds, touching themselves, looking directly at the viewer.

Steve walks back in at that moment & drops their drinks, apologizing & on the verge of hyperventilating. Peggy immediately heads over to help clean up while Bucky kneels down in front of Steve & reassures him that it's ok. Peggy reaches out to stroke Steve's cheek, gives him a loving smile, & says,

"Hey, why don't we get this cleaned up & share a bottle instead?"

So they do.

Bucky & Peggy get comfortable on the couch while Steve puts some soft music on & takes a deep breath. He takes the first swig of wine before passing the bottle to Bucky who follows suit & says,

"I've been with men."

Steve goes wide-eyed & feels his face get hot, but before he can say anything Bucky continues,

"Peggy & I both see other people. & not just because we barely got to see each other during the war."

Peggy smiles fondly at Bucky & grabs the wine bottle from him.

Steve lets out a small sigh of relief & laughs then tells them about how when they left he fell into a deep depression.

“Now I’m no booze-head, but I did start acting foolish. I let things get out of hand & you know how stubborn I can be when I wanna.”

Bucky cracks a smile & strokes the stubble on his face.

Steve talks & talks until he’s tired of his own tongue. One bottle becomes two, becomes three, & before they know it, Steve’s head is resting on Bucky’s lap & Peggy is braiding Bucky’s hair while quietly singing along to the music.

They wake up with sore backs & wide smiles &, despite their faint throbbing headaches, they put on some more music. The three of them prepare breakfast together, quietly navigating around each other in the kitchen preparing eggs, toast, raw liver, & coffee. They sit huddled around the dining room table, letting the scent of coffee fill the room.

Steve is the first to speak,

“I know I fucked up & shut you both out before, but I don’t wanna lose you again. Whatever I have to do to prove my worth, I’ll do it”.

Bucky reaches out to hold Steve’s left hand while Peggy holds onto his right hand from across the table. They rest their heads together for a moment before Bucky whispers,

“Eggs are getting cold.”

Steve barks out a laugh & replies,

“Yeah well, you know how I feel about your eggs, Buck.”

Peggy grins & chimes in with,

“He’s gotten better at making them, promise.”

Bucky gives them both pointed looks before grinning behind his mug of coffee. Steve for his part did actually enjoy Buck’s cooking, but he wasn’t about to admit that.

After breakfast they decide to go out & make some new memories together. They spend most of the morning walking around Coney Island, pointing out how crowded it's become since the war ended & introducing Peggy to their usual spots. Peggy tells them about her own home in England & how she would sneak out to meet her friends after midnight. She tells them about her mischievous, adventurous Nan who was her biggest role model growing up.

They exchange stories of desperate living as reckless youths & come to the realization that not much has changed after all. Once they exhaust themselves from walking, Steve offers to buy them all cones to make up for the ones they lost yesterday. Peggy orders chocolate for herself, strawberry for Steve, & cherry for Bucky. They sit together on a small bench outside, basking in the mid-day sun & appreciating their luck to have found eachother again.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur as Steve & Bucky continue to give Peggy a tour & reminisce about the past. When the stars finally come out, Peggy invites Steve back to their hotel & asks,

"Why don't you spend the night with us? We can even order a pizza to go. I'm not quite fond enough of this dress to wear it a third time."

Steve blushes & mumbles his agreement, careful not to trip on his own two feet as he imagines stripping Peggy's dress off & kissing along the nape of her neck. A pang of guilt hits him until he turns to see Bucky smiling, & soon enough all he can feel is the fiery rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins.

In the back of his mind, Steve hears an echo of Buck's words from the night before.

"I've been with men."

His heart starts to race.

Their hotel room is smaller than Steve imagined it would be, there's a small table in the room, but only two chairs, so they opt to lay down a blanket & eat on the ground instead.

"I'd build us a fort, but this is the only blanket,"

Bucky jokes as they all reach for their respective slices. Peggy giggles, kisses him on the cheek, & teases,

"Next time."

Steve averts his eyes & tries not to think about how close they all are. He's acutely aware of Peggy's knee resting against his own & of Bucky's legs laying spread open across from him. He reaches for a few more slices, eating more than he could usually stomach.

Peggy lights candles & sets down some cups with a pitcher of water while Buck disposes of the empty pizza box. They settle back down & drink water in silence until Steve suggests,

"We should play a game."

"What type of game?"

Peggy inquires.

"A verbal one. Like Truth or Dare!"

Bucky grins subtly, recalling highschool parties he'd drag Steve to that usually involved games of these sorts. Games Steve would always avoid.

"Sure, you go first. Truth or Dare?"

Bucky challenges.

"Dare,"

Steve replies with his chin cocked up,

"I dare you to… hmm... go outside & yell 'I HATE BUCKY'S EGGS' then run back inside before anyone sees you."

Steve gets up immediately & does just that. He slams the door shut quickly & loses his breath, laughing against the door. Having regained his composure he turns to Peggy & says,

"Ok, your turn. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare, of course."

Steve thinks for a moment then says,

"I dare you to wear Bucky's clothes. Full outfit, head to toe."

Peggy turns to the closet, pulls out their luggage, & selects a few items from Buck's wardrobe. She then turns back to them & says,

"One moment, please,"

before heading to the bathroom. She re-emerges wearing grey slacks, a tank top, black combat boots, & a newsboy cap.

"Fits a bit loose, but what do you think?"

She asks, leaning against the doorway & toying with the straps of her suspenders. They both just stare at her in awe for a moment before Buck finally says,

"You look better in those clothes than I ever did."

Steve silently nods in agreement.

Peggy laughs & rolls her eyes before saying,

"Well, looks like it's your turn B. What's it going to be?"

He looks at her suspiciously before deciding,

"Truth."

Steve & Peg both boo him for his choice, but then Peggy smiles deviously & says,

"Oh I know exactly what I'm going to ask you."

Bucky gulps audibly at this & looks to Steve for help, but Steve just raises his hands helplessly, offering only his most sympathetic look.

"Have you ever worn a dress?"

Steve chokes on the water he’s drinking & Buck is so taken aback that he just blushes & says,

"uhhh…."

for about a minute straight. Not wanting to lie, he eventually lets out a small sigh & admits,

"Yes. A long time ago."

Steve feels his face grow hotter, but he can't stop himself from asking,

"How old were you? Not that I'm judging! Just… curious."

Bucky chuckles nervously & says,

"15 I think. You & your ma went out for the day & I said I was too tired to join you, but really I just wanted to get some privacy & raid her closet… sorry."

Bucky runs a hand through his hair nervously & Peggy comes up to embrace him from behind before asking,

"What was the dress like?"

He settles into her touch & closes his eyes to remember it in detail,

"It was a faded red velvet with silk lining on the inside. It felt so smooth. Everytime Mrs. Rogers wore it I always wondered what it would feel like. I even dolled myself up with lipstick & everything. I liked it, if I'm honest."

Steve's pulse races as he imagines it; he’s not entirely sure what that means about him, but what he does know is that it makes his pants feel a bit tighter than usual.

"So,"

Bucky starts,

"have you ever worn a dress?"

He turns to Steve nervously, unsure if he should even ask. If it’ll scare him away. Steve takes another sip of water before answering,

"No…. I'm not opposed to it though. If you'd like to take me up on that dare…"

He knows he’s toeing the boundaries between them, those unspoken rules of conduct between friends, but he decides not to put too much thought into it. Buck's hands begin to sweat when he replies,

"Yeah. Yeah, I dare you to wear one of Peg's dresses."

Peg could feel B's heart quicken under her hands, but refrains from commenting.

She simply presses a gentle kiss into his hair, then walks over to the closet & lays out her dresses. Steve runs his hands over each of the options until he settles on a black lace dress with a zipper up the back. He shyly picks it up & heads into the bathroom to change out of his current clothes.

Eventually, Steve cracks the door open a little & nervously asks,

"hey guys, can one of you help me with the zipper?"

Peggy steps into the room a moment later & helps adjust his clothes properly, she looks back at him in the mirror & asks,

"Would you like to wear some lipstick? It'll make your eyes pop more & give you a bolder look."

Steve gets chills as Peg meets his eyes & he quietly whispers yes in response to her question. He then turns around, leaning stiffly against the sink, before Peggy pulls the lipstick out from her handbag. As she starts to evenly apply the makeup, he can't help but stare at her lips. He always did like how red looked on her, it made the curves of her smile stand out more.

"All done,"

Peg says with a hand on Steve's chin, eyeing her work.

She steps back to let him look in the mirror & Steve is surprised by how feminine he actually looks with just a bit of color.

"Wow, I really look like a dame,"

he exclaims quietly.

"Come on,"

Peg says with a wink before dragging him out of the bathroom.

Buck was getting nervous from the wait, but the moment he lays his eyes on Steve -- his jaw drops to the floor. He did not expect Steve to get made up, but he’s also surprised by how well the dress suits him.

"I can see what you meant about it feeling nice,"

Steve says with a chuckle,

"never realized how restricting pants can be."

Bucky feels a pang of excitement at that & distracts himself with an empty cup of water before saying,

"Black really is your color."

He & Steve share a moment before Steve turns back to Peggy & says,

"Looks like it's your turn again!"

"Truth,"

she says confidently.

"What was your first kiss like?"

Peg fondly recalls a night long ago, by her family's lake.

"I was 12 at the time. My friend & I were having a sleepover one night & started discussing the boys at our school, she was nervous about kissing one of them so I suggested we practice together. We kissed for a long time, trying with & without tongue, to see what felt right. That was the night I realized my feelings for her were more than just platonic. We sort of kept our distance after that, but she helped me realize more about myself."

Steve looked at her in awe, both for her honesty & her self-assuredness. It’s easy to see why Buck fell in love with her &, if he’s being honest, he could just as easily do the same.

The game ends soon after that as exhaustion settles into their bones. Bucky pulls all of the pillows down from the bed & lays them out on the blanket so they can get some rest.

Peg & Steve don’t bother changing out of their attire, but do (at the very least) wipe their makeup off. That night, in the bustling heart of Brooklyn, Peg & Buck sleep more soundly than they have in a very long time.

They all wake at 7 the next morning to shower, change, & accompany Steve back to his home for breakfast. Ever since he was a child, Steve has had to consume at least half a pound of raw liver to combat the effects of pernicious anemia. He used to drink liver juice, but hated it so much that it was a relief when he could finally afford to buy pounds of liver.

"You really didn't have to come with me, you coulda slept in,"

Steve says as he pulls various items out from his fridge,

"but since you're here I might as well treat you to breakfast."

After some convincing, Buck & Peg take a seat as Steve makes them bacon, sausage, spam, & toast to go with their orange juice. Once they finish their meals, Steve works up the nerve to say,

"Listen, I've been meaning to ask, but didn't know when to bring it up, so…. How long are you staying here?"

Buck & Peg exchange silent glances before Peg answers,

"We're not sure… we didn't know if we'd find you… if you even wanted to be found… so we've been taking things day by day. But if you're ok with us staying, then we'll gladly do so."

Steve lets out a sigh of relief at that & says,

"Of course I want you here. I don't wanna lose you again... please stay?"

Buck & Peg exchange another glance before answering,

"Of course,"

in unison.

Steve sets down the plates he’s holding & rushes to give them both hugs & a kiss on the cheek. Peggy laughs as Buck jokingly groans & complains,

"You're getting liver juice all over me!"

To which Steve replies,

"Shut it or you'll get some more!"

Later that day, as Steve works on a new painting & Peg passes the time reading, Buck decides to poke around Steve's living room. As he’s looking through his record collection, he notices a tin box hidden in the corner of the shelf. Not giving it much thought, he opens it to find a single rolled joint with a note that says "For my favorite customer". Just as he’s about to quit gawking & put everything back, Steve re-emerges from the basement.

"OH. THAT,"

Steve yells before freezing up & awkwardly smiling as Peg looks up from her book. Bucky laughs before reassuring him,

"Steve, we've all smoked a bit of Mary Jane. Hell, lots of the guys took much worse than that. I'm just surprised you have some!"

Steve turns to look questioningly at Peggy, who simply nods in return to his unspoken question.

"Well in that case,"

Steve says with a newfound confidence,

"let's light her up."

With paint stained hands, he takes the tin box & retrieves a lighter before offering the joint to Peggy,

"Ladies first."

Peg marks the page she was on before setting aside her book & takes the first hit.

"Mmmm. That's some good stuff,"

she remarks with an air of nonchalance.

Buck takes the next hit & blows a bit of smoke into Steve's face with a wink,

"Think I gotta take a seat before this kicks in."

Steve joins him on the floor in front of the couch Peg was lounging on & takes his own hit.

"It's honestly been a while since I smoked, I used to get high everyday for a few years so I really needed to cut back. I'm good now. I was just punishing myself a bit."

Bucky holds Steve's hand & nods before saying,

"Weed kept me sane everyday out there. Or as sane as I could get. I smoked everyday too just to calm my nerves & get some sleep."

Peggy takes another long toke before adding,

"I went to work with men everyday. I had to get high so I wouldn't slosh most of them for the things they said."

Steve & Bucky laugh so hard that they start coughing, but instead of getting up & drinking water they just smoke some more.

"I just had a great idea!"

Steve yells excitedly before running off to his room. A moment later he comes back with blankets & pillows & says,

"We're gonna make that fort."

Bucky giggles & Peg rolls her eyes as Steve urges them to help with the construction. Peggy ultimately has to take the lead because the boys can't stop laughing & falling to the ground in hysterics. Once she finishes placing a blanket on top, she goes to the kitchen & returns with cups,

"Drink some water before you laugh yourselves dry. Or cough up a lung."

"I think Steve already did,"

Bucky laughs out as Peg squeezes in next to them.

"Gods, what is it with you boys & sleeping on the floor?"

"We like having back problems, thank you very much,"

Steve replies between laughs.

"There are better ways of achieving that,"

she teases back. Peggy reclaims their joint as Steve & Buck blush, gulping down the rest of their drinks.

When Peggy points out that Steve is still covered in paint, they decide to take a journey to Steve's room so he can get washed up.

"We don't want you to somehow slip & drown by yourself,"

Peg states.

"I think he'd find a way to electrocute himself,"

Buck counters.

Steve scoffs, but can't hold back his giggles for long before he agrees,

"Yeah you're probably right."

He heads into the shower & undresses as Peg & Buck select sleepwear for him to change into. They choose a black muscle tee along with a pair of shorts & leave them by the door. They lay on Steve's mattress & silently admire the art in his room. When Steve comes back into the room, both Buck & Peg gasp upon seeing Steve's tattoos.

"When did you get ink?,"

Buck asks in awe. It takes a moment for Steve's brain to register what they’re looking at before replying,

"Oh! Uhh... I started a few years back. Sometimes I forget about ‘em since they’re always hidden by clothes."

Peg & Buck both lean in close to touch & admire the pieces on his shoulders & legs.

Many of his tattoos are renditions of paintings by famous artists such as Caravaggio, Magritte, & Kahlo, but he also has quotes splayed across his chest & legs. Peggy reads one of the pieces on his leg,

"The truth is rarely pure & never simple. Oscar Wilde?"

"Yeah. I really fell in love with his work this past year,"

Steve answers with glazed eyes & a dopey smile.

After a few minutes of silently swaying on his feet, he is struck by a sudden wave of intense sadness. Dropping down onto his knees, Steve quickly pulls out a cardboard box which was hidden beneath his bed. Buck & Peggy watch curiously as he lifts the lid & reveals a small stack of envelopes.

Buck’s face drops as he wonders aloud,

"Is that…?"

"Yes,"

Steve finishes for him,

"the letters you sent me."

A heavy silence weighs on the room as Steve struggles to express his thoughts,

"I was fucked up for a long time, as you know, & I couldn't bring myself to read them. I know I'm a shit friend & I don't expect you to forgive me… I was selfish & bitter & couldn't stand to hear about how happy you were without me. But I'm ready now. Feel free to tell me to fuck off forever, but… can we read them together?"

Peg & Buck look back at him with wide eyes in stunned silence. Steve's throat starts to get tight & his body trembles, when a hand reaches for his own. Bucky helps him onto the bed, making room for Steve to sit between himself & Peg.

"God, I'm so high,"

Steve says with a sigh as he starts to open the first letter. Buck & Peg wrap their arms tightly around Steve as his hands shake visibly. He struggles to make sense of the words in front of him, so B offers to take over.

6 letters later, they're all curled up under the sheets, Peg reads the letters she sent & Buck reads his own. Some of their stories overlap & offer different perspectives on the same experiences; Peg is more honest while Buck tries to protect Steve from the realities of war.

They're languid & hungry, craving something they can't quite put their finger on.

Steve's suddenly very aware of how close they are. He closes his eyes & focuses on Peggy's voice as she finishes up. Buck shifts next to him & takes a deep breath, looking back at Peg with worry. Steve feels nervous again as Peg presses in closer next to him, hand resting on his leg.

Buck starts his letter,

"It's bad. Real bad, Stevie. I don't know if we're gonna come back tomorrow. I don't know if I'll even want to. I miss you. You haven't replied in a long time, but I still hope you get these somehow. I love you & Peg more than anything in this world."

Steve starts crying & can feel hot tears running down his face.

Bucky holds his gaze as he finishes reading,

"I might not get another chance to say this so I'll say it now, I dream of you & me & Peg together. In another world maybe, one not consumed by violence. There's a hole in my heart without you."

Steve's chest feels like it could burst, he looks into his best friend's eyes as he leans in and kisses him with a burning desperation.

Steve remembers the first time he ever touched himself, a vision of blue eyes haunting him & a sense of shame he couldn't explain. He no longer feels that shame.

Bucky kisses him back like he's wanted to for the past 2 decades. Their bodies move fluidly, B's hands exploring Steve's body as Steve runs his hands through Buck's shaggy hair. Buck grinds down against Steve's thigh & moans at the friction, a blush overtaking his face. He turns to Peggy & pulls her in for a kiss, she knows how long he's been waiting for this -- they've been waiting for this.

Steve watches with blown out pupils as Peg removes Buck's jacket for him & throws it aside along with the blanket, Buck is still rutting against his thigh so Steve presses forward & grinds against him with his own hard cock. Steve lets out a low moan upon contact & locks eyes with Peggy as she licks the length of B's neck, they exchange wicked grins. Buck slips his hands inside Steve's shirt, feeling his form before gesturing for Steve to lift his arms.

He slips the shirt off & over his head, leaning down to lick his tatted up chest & gently bites his nipples, seeing what gets a better reaction out of Steve. Peggy moves behind Buck, wrapping an arm around his waist & using her free hand to unzip his pants. She slowly places her hand inside his underwear, touching him as he continues grinding against Steve.

Once Buck starts groaning, she slips her hand out & smirks, moving to unbutton Steve's pants.

"May I?"

Peg asks Steve as he squirms underneath them.

"Please,"

he begs.

She helps him shimmy out of his jeans & briefs, leaving him completely naked & exposed for them. Buck takes the opportunity to reach down & hold Steve's throbbing cock in his hand, he teases the head with his thumb before leaning down & licking along the shaft. Shivers run up Steve's spine as he feels Buck tease the tip with his tongue, he watches Peggy lift Bucky's shirt up & off his muscular shoulders.

Steve moves his hands along Bucky's now scarred chest, he silently takes note of every unfamiliar feature, everything about Bucky Barnes is beautiful. They kiss again, long & deep, enjoying each other's mingling tastes as Peggy presses soft pecks against B's back. They breathe each other in; Buck smells like mint, Steve like flowers, & Peg like cinnamon. When they break apart, B caresses Steve's face before moving to take off his own pants.

Once fully nude, Buck pulls Peggy in for a deep kiss, unzipping her dress from the back. She pushes Bucky back against the mattress, leaning over him to remove her heels, then strips down to her black lace underwear. Steve starts touching himself, watching as Buck unhooks her bra, while Peg slips out of her panties & turns to watch Steve. Peggy licks her lips & calls Steve over with a single beckoning finger.

Bucky sits up to watch as Steve & Peggy kiss for the first time, Peg moving Steve's hand to touch her breasts, then moving her right hand down to languidly stroke Steve's leaking dick. She bites his bottom lip before splitting apart from him & moving onto the bed. Bucky moves over Peg, kissing a trail from her chest down to her hips, then licking the lips of her cunt before tonguing & fingering her the way he knows she likes.

Steve carefully places himself behind Bucky & watches him go down on Peggy as he wraps a hand around Buck's own cock. Maybe it's the drugs, or maybe it's the adrenaline running through him, but Steve turns his head to B's ear & whispers,

"I want to fuck you."

Bucky pauses momentarily to look at Steve & nods eagerly before kissing him,

"Do you have something to help…?"

Steve nods back & runs over to his closet, retrieving a can of crisco. Before things can progress further, Bucky takes a quick bathroom break as Steve & Peg become reacquainted.

Buck returns, fresh & ready, as he reclaims his spot & Steve starts teasing him with his tongue. Buck is unsurprisingly tight, but his body quickly accommodates the intrusion. Steve readies his fingers, smearing them with crisco, before gently introducing his index. Buck & Peggy start kissing as Steve slowly fingers him; B moans Steve’s name into her mouth.

Once he’s worked his way up to 3 fingers, Steve asks,

“Are you ready?”

To which Buck replies,

“Yes. Please.”

Using his left hand, Steve spreads crisco onto his dick with each stroke & gets harder by the second.

Once he feels slick enough, he removes his right hand from inside Buck’s body & presses his cock against the entrance. When Steve is finally inside him, Buck grinds down against Peggy with a moan. She takes hold of his dick & centers it, helping him penetrate her. Buck’s thighs tremble as he fucks her at the same pace that Steve pounds into him, pleasure clouding his mind.

Steve & Peggy gaze into each other’s eyes as they pick up their pace: hearts beating, the smell of sex thick in the air. Buck leans down to suck on Peg’s nipples, getting them hard & wet while Steve bites at his neck & shoulders. A fire is lit between the three of them -- taking hold of their bodies, the ignition of something new.

Steve can feel himself nearing the edge, he pulls on Buck’s hair to reveal his neck & sucks at the exposed adam’s apple; not enough to leave a mark, but certainly enough for Buck to groan out a rough & breathy,

“Fuck.”

Steve pulls his hair harder, kissing him roughly & grinding down harder before he inevitably comes.

Steve pulls out after a moment, & lies down to catch his breath, he watches in awe as Buck continues fucking Peggy. His dick twitches every time they moan; he takes note of their faces & the pleasure they’ve gotten lost in. Buck turns to look at Steve, appreciating his post-coital state: messy hair, sweaty chest, swollen lips, & a full body blush.

He knows he’s getting closer, so he carefully pulls out of Peggy & continues fingering her with his left hand, using the right one to finish himself off. Bucky lets out a moan as he comes over Peg’s body, watching her writhe against him as she demands more. Steve decides to help out, exploring the contours of her body with his hands & mouth. He leaves a hickey on her stomach where it'll be hidden from view, Peg takes Steve's hands & places them around her neck, asking him to choke her as they kiss. Buck's fingers curl inside of her, Peg's lipstick stains their bodies.

She tugs Bucky down to meet her lips, alternating between kissing the two of them & watching them kiss each other. Steve tightens his grip on her neck as she rides out her orgasm, gasping & grinding relentlessly until she feels spent. They break apart to catch their breaths & revel in the high of their exploits. The air feels electric as they curl up against one another, eventually passing out with satisfied smiles.

Steve is the first to wake up, heart full as he remembers last night -- as he turns to watch the people he loves sleeping next to him. There's dry come & red smears on all of them, the room is still musty with their scent. He knows he'll never get tired of this smell. Peg is the next to wake & she smiles back at Steve as they silently watch Buck breathe between them. He rarely sleeps this well, or at all, & no one wants to interrupt his peace.

Whispering, Peggy tells Steve about how she pulled him out of a POW camp -- recently tortured & barely conscious.

“It’s not going to be easy, Steve. Peace is a luxury he can no longer afford & there’s nothing we can do to change that. But we can support him, hold his hand through the nightmares, & give him space when he needs it.”

Steve nods, reaching out to hold her hand in his own,

“I’ll be here.”

After about 15 more minutes, Buck's rest comes to an end & he stretches out his arms with a yawn. They all exchange knowing smiles before heading to the bathroom together & washing up. It's not long before they're at it again, getting each other off under the warm spray of water. Limbs tangled together as the room quickly fills with steam. Eventually they make their way to the kitchen, still naked, to fill their empty stomachs with food & water.

They fuck on the kitchen table, curtains still drawn, as Steve pounds into Peggy who's working Buck's dick with her mouth. They experiment with kitchen utensils, fruit, & bottles. Move to the living room, the basement, the attic. Spend all day touching & tasting each other, some unknown force driving them.

Eventually Peggy remembers their luggage back at the hotel, so they call a cab & head over, secretly stroking arms & legs in the back seat. It's midday & they fuck in the hotel room, windows open this time -- excited by the prospect of being seen or having their gasps heard by strangers. Peg is on top of Bucky, Steve's cock in her hand & mouth, as she takes control.

A man walks by the window, unaware as Peggy watches him & grinds down harder. Bucky moans out her name & gets harder as he watches her bounce & stroke Steve at the same time. Neither of them come until she does. She sets the pace & lets them squirm. When they get back home it's almost 5 pm. They eat leftovers, & each other, yet remain insatiable.

A week later they’re at the movie theater, holding hands in the dark & enjoying some film they won't remember the name of. They'll know the smiles they shared, the danger only they were aware of, toeing an invisible line that society has made clear for them.

It takes a few years but eventually neighbors question why the three of them are living together, why they seem so close; nothing is known for certain, but the speculation is enough to cause problems. Steve finds another place nearby in New York City, it's actually two adjoining houses that share a door, & it's perfect.

Steve moves in first, by himself for a month, before Peg & Buck join him. They pretend to meet for the first time as neighbors, shaking hands on the porch, more knowing smiles. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

During this time, Peggy starts her own News Agency which specializes in uncovering war crimes & advocating for humanitarian aid in support of refugees. She hires a predominantly female staff & uses her platform to push for legislative change, pressuring politicians to fulfill their promises. She’ll never rest so long as there’s injustice in the world, & she’ll make damn sure that those stories get told.

It’s 1950 & Steve gets paid to paint a mural on the side of a record store in Brooklyn, Blue & Brown eyes haunt the city,

watch it change.

Adapt.

Grow.

 **These are the pictures that inspired this fic:** ********

<https://flic.kr/s/aHsmQB1q1e>

**If you enjoyed this fic in any way, shape, or form, please consider donating in support of Rohingya Refugees at[ https://hhrd.org/new/burma](https://hhrd.org/new/burma), you can read more about the genocide perpetrated against them here: [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-41566561](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-41566561)**

**& if you want to know more about the organizations you are donating to (+ how they spend their donations), please visit [https://www.charitynavigator.org/ ](https://www.charitynavigator.org/)**

**Thank you!**


End file.
